A Mothers Love

My heart is fit to burst with love.

I remember when I was pregnant with Izabel I was excited but scared. Will I be a good Mum? Will I be able to do my very best for her? What if I don’t know what to do and fail as a Mum?

When she was born… wow! The love I felt for her instantly was incredible! Breath taking! I looked down at her tiny face and felt so proud that she was mine! That love is still there, as is the pride but now almost 15 years later it is so so much more. She is good a everything she does, she is kind, caring, loving, even if a little bit stroppy at times (wonder who she gets that from haha!) and she is the most beautiful girl in the whole world! These days I look up to her (she’s 6ft tall!) and feel overwhelmed with love and pride! She puts her all into everything. School, Sport, Art, being a good sister to her 2 little brothers, she helps me out when Ed is at work. She is so amazing with her baby brother, it makes me want to cry every time I see her with Fraser. She is a natural, she feeds and winds him, changes his nappy, makes him smile. Izzy is growing up into a mature, kind, and genuine lady who cares so much for others. There is a special love between us as Mum and Daughter, we are close, she can talk to me about anything and I hope that never changes.

 

Just over 3 years after Izzy was born, Xavier arrived into our lives! I had a boy! I worried that I wouldn’t be able to share the HUGE amount of love I had for Izzy, how could I possibly love another child as much as I love my girl? But again…. as soon as I looked into those tiny eyes I fell head over heels! My heart doubled in size with love! Izzy totally adored her little brother and was amazing from day 1! Xavier has had a tough time over his school years and I fought hard after his Autism diagnosis to get him in the right school, over 3 years it took me! We have had challenging times at home but I done so much research and really understood Xavier. I get him, I know how he works, I know his likes and dislikes. He is such a special boy! He is 11 and is hugely caring, polite and kind. I am so so very proud of all the achievements he has made so far in his life, big and small, each one is special as I know how hard some of them have been for him. He is so loving. When I was recently pregnant he looked out for me lots, was very interested in the baby, kissed my baby bump EVERY day. He was so excited about having a brother! He said he will teach him how to play computer games when he’s older! Haha! Now I was worried, sounds silly as Xavier was so excited about becoming a big brother but the idea of it whilst I was pregnant and then another little person actually being here are 2 very different things. I hoped it wouldn’t turn his world upside down when baby arrived and it hasn’t! Not at all! Xavier loves Fraser so much. I do think he finds him a little boring at the moment as at 9 weeks old, Fraser doesn’t really do much but he does love it when baby smiles at him. I’m so proud of him as he has been through a lot being in 2 mainstream schools and now his amazing Special Needs school. He has coped so well considering and has changed so much, he’s not angry anymore, he rarely kicks off, he’s calm, loving and so bloody clever it scares me! I have such high hopes for his future! He’s ¬†such a gorgeous boy, I love him so very much.

 

Ed and I thought we were done doing our bit for the population!! Alas no! I was on the pill, had endometriosis and ovarian cysts over the years since I had Xavier. So last September when I found out I was pregnant it was such a shock!! A HUGE shock! I was worried as years and years previously we had discussed having one more child but Ed was happy with the 2 we had so wasn’t up for anymore. Obviously after 11 years I had come to terms with the fact that there would be no more and concentrated on bringing up the 2 we had the best we could. I was so worried about telling Ed he was going to be a Daddy again! He took it all in his stride after the initial shock. The kids were bouncing off the walls, they were so excited! Izzy cried and Xaviers eyes were a bit watery! It was such a lovely reaction! I had a terrible pregnancy that threw pretty much everything at me! I panicked that I’d forgotten everything as it had been so long since I had a baby, he is here now and I still feel like a first timer!! Its such a shock to the system after such a big gap! When Fraser was born, when I first set eyes on him I cried! He looked so much like Izzy when she was born! That was the 1st thing I said! “OMG he looks like Izzy!” My heart tripled in size…. bursting with love! Fraser is an absolute joy! Blowing my own trumpet here but Ed and I do make beautiful children! He has slept through 6-7 hours from about a week old. We are having issues with colic which is new to us but its all about research and learning. He’s such a good boy and so smiley and happy!

 

The older 2 absolutely adore him and it makes me so proud to call all 3 of these children mine! I am the luckiest Mother in the world and there is no love in the world like a Mothers Love!

 

 

The Birth of Our Son

So my due date was the 8th May. My pregnancy was pretty rough from the day I found out to be honest. I had pretty much everything thrown at me this time around. Heavy bleeds, nausea, sickness, SPD, bad back, swollen legs feet and ankles, extra amniotic fluid, gestational diabetes and I was also diagnosed with an underachieve thyroid whilst pregnant! It was pretty eventful to be honest with all the extra scans and consultant appointments. Very different to my 2 previous pregnancies! With it also having been 11 years since my last pregnancy my body was feeling it big time! You can see from the picture above how much extra fluid I was carrying! Once baby was born I was told I had at least 2 litres of fluid!!

Due to previous lung issues I was told I would have to have a c-section rather than natural. I was ok with that as I just wanted what was best for Baby and myself of course. I was given a date of the 5th May initially. Then that was moved forward to the 3rd of May because of their discovery of extra fluid and the Gestational Diabetes.

On 27th April I was getting really bad back pains. I’d never had back labour before. I had no idea what was happening. It got to the point where I had to stop what I was doing as the pains were really quite painful! I called the Maternity Triage for advice all along just thinking my back pains were due to the heavy load I was carrying! They wanted to just check me over so my sister took me in.

They done the usual checks and then done an internal examination! I was 2cm! Baby had decided it was time! I was told I had to stay in and my section would be happening the following morning! If things progressed overnight they would do an emergency one! WOW now I was scared!! I felt I was pregnant for an eternity and now the time had come. I let Hubby know what was happening and he text me to say he was scared. Awww I wanted to hug him so much.

He arrived the next morning once I’d given him the OK when the consultant had been round. My mum brought him up to the hospital with the children, they waited in the downstairs cafe with my Mum whilst we were in Theatre.

There he is in all his glory!! Scrubs!! He is 6ft 4 so I was shocked they found some long enough! Shortly after this pic was taken we went down to theatre. My previous 2 births were natural so this was all new to me! I was starting to get a bit nervous but also excited because our baby boy was coming soon!

All the lights and screens and instruments and machines in theatre were a little overwhelming when I first went in. The staff were AMAZING though, completely made me feel at ease. I sat on the bed in theatre hugged a pillow and leaned forward whilst they done the epidural. Ed reported back after that the size of the needle they used was impressive! Luckily needles don’t bother me!

Such an odd sensation when they are lifting your legs about and you are watching them but you can’t feel a thing!! Weirdest sensation EVER! The screen soon went up and the operation was underway!

What an absolutely amazing picture Ed took!! I will cherish this always!! He here is!! Fraser Jenson was born at 12.06pm on 28th April. He weighed a healthy 8lb 3oz. When i first saw his face I cried and said OMG he looks like Izzy (his big sister). I can’t believe how soon after they said they were starting the op, that they then lowered the screen and showed us him! Amazing!! Obviously its a much longer process to sew me back up after!

He was wrapped up and given to me straight away after the checks. Totally in awe of him!

 After a little while we were back on the ward and my Mum and the kids came to meet him!! They are all besotted with him. The kids adore their baby brother and it makes my heart swell every time I see them together. We are so very lucky.

We were home the following day!! So soon but theres nothing like recovering in your own home.

Our new family of FIVE!