My heart is fit to burst with love.
I remember when I was pregnant with Izabel I was excited but scared. Will I be a good Mum? Will I be able to do my very best for her? What if I don’t know what to do and fail as a Mum?
When she was born… wow! The love I felt for her instantly was incredible! Breath taking! I looked down at her tiny face and felt so proud that she was mine! That love is still there, as is the pride but now almost 15 years later it is so so much more. She is good a everything she does, she is kind, caring, loving, even if a little bit stroppy at times (wonder who she gets that from haha!) and she is the most beautiful girl in the whole world! These days I look up to her (she’s 6ft tall!) and feel overwhelmed with love and pride! She puts her all into everything. School, Sport, Art, being a good sister to her 2 little brothers, she helps me out when Ed is at work. She is so amazing with her baby brother, it makes me want to cry every time I see her with Fraser. She is a natural, she feeds and winds him, changes his nappy, makes him smile. Izzy is growing up into a mature, kind, and genuine lady who cares so much for others. There is a special love between us as Mum and Daughter, we are close, she can talk to me about anything and I hope that never changes.
Just over 3 years after Izzy was born, Xavier arrived into our lives! I had a boy! I worried that I wouldn’t be able to share the HUGE amount of love I had for Izzy, how could I possibly love another child as much as I love my girl? But again…. as soon as I looked into those tiny eyes I fell head over heels! My heart doubled in size with love! Izzy totally adored her little brother and was amazing from day 1! Xavier has had a tough time over his school years and I fought hard after his Autism diagnosis to get him in the right school, over 3 years it took me! We have had challenging times at home but I done so much research and really understood Xavier. I get him, I know how he works, I know his likes and dislikes. He is such a special boy! He is 11 and is hugely caring, polite and kind. I am so so very proud of all the achievements he has made so far in his life, big and small, each one is special as I know how hard some of them have been for him. He is so loving. When I was recently pregnant he looked out for me lots, was very interested in the baby, kissed my baby bump EVERY day. He was so excited about having a brother! He said he will teach him how to play computer games when he’s older! Haha! Now I was worried, sounds silly as Xavier was so excited about becoming a big brother but the idea of it whilst I was pregnant and then another little person actually being here are 2 very different things. I hoped it wouldn’t turn his world upside down when baby arrived and it hasn’t! Not at all! Xavier loves Fraser so much. I do think he finds him a little boring at the moment as at 9 weeks old, Fraser doesn’t really do much but he does love it when baby smiles at him. I’m so proud of him as he has been through a lot being in 2 mainstream schools and now his amazing Special Needs school. He has coped so well considering and has changed so much, he’s not angry anymore, he rarely kicks off, he’s calm, loving and so bloody clever it scares me! I have such high hopes for his future! He’s such a gorgeous boy, I love him so very much.
Ed and I thought we were done doing our bit for the population!! Alas no! I was on the pill, had endometriosis and ovarian cysts over the years since I had Xavier. So last September when I found out I was pregnant it was such a shock!! A HUGE shock! I was worried as years and years previously we had discussed having one more child but Ed was happy with the 2 we had so wasn’t up for anymore. Obviously after 11 years I had come to terms with the fact that there would be no more and concentrated on bringing up the 2 we had the best we could. I was so worried about telling Ed he was going to be a Daddy again! He took it all in his stride after the initial shock. The kids were bouncing off the walls, they were so excited! Izzy cried and Xaviers eyes were a bit watery! It was such a lovely reaction! I had a terrible pregnancy that threw pretty much everything at me! I panicked that I’d forgotten everything as it had been so long since I had a baby, he is here now and I still feel like a first timer!! Its such a shock to the system after such a big gap! When Fraser was born, when I first set eyes on him I cried! He looked so much like Izzy when she was born! That was the 1st thing I said! “OMG he looks like Izzy!” My heart tripled in size…. bursting with love! Fraser is an absolute joy! Blowing my own trumpet here but Ed and I do make beautiful children! He has slept through 6-7 hours from about a week old. We are having issues with colic which is new to us but its all about research and learning. He’s such a good boy and so smiley and happy!
The older 2 absolutely adore him and it makes me so proud to call all 3 of these children mine! I am the luckiest Mother in the world and there is no love in the world like a Mothers Love!