The meltdown has begun. I have been dreading this for a while. It has been slowly creeping up on me.
My head feels heavy. My chest feels like it is bearing the weight of 100 elephants.
I am fighting so hard to stop the tears from flowing. It is back.
I feel lost under a black cloud.
I feel alone even though I have people around me.The walls are closing in, I’m trapped.
My mind is not where I want it to be. It has been taken over by the negativity.
I don’t want this battle, I don’t have the energy to fight.
I’m tired, no exhausted and don’t have the strength to stand tall.
I am not me. Where did “me” go? I want her back. I have a responsibility. I need to get up and fight this with every ounce of my being.
How can I find this strength? I admit defeat…. I need help! I need support. I need positivity.
My ability to focus has disappeared. Gone. Vanished into thin air.
This place is familiar and not a place I have fond memories of or a place I wanted to revisit.
I feel nauseous and dizzy. My brain is mush, there is so much… too much going on in there.
Just want to sleep. For a week! Want to hide under the security of my duvet. But I can’t.
I have lost myself. I need to find me, pamper me, treat me and be kind to me.
I am a very lucky mum to have 3 beautiful healthy children.
I am a very lucky wife to have such a supportive and loving husband.
But I’m still lost!! I’m drowning, drowning in the inability to control my emotions and feelings.
I hate this feeling so much. I hate that I can’t fight it. I hate that it is taking over.
My heart beats so hard it feels like it will rip through my chest. I have to take a deep breath. I have to calm down. It’s so hard. The anxiety is so hard.
I need to be ME again.
On a mission to find ME!